Wednesday, 26 March 2008

A need to feel needed...

Every human in life has a need; a need to sleep, a need to eat, a need to be loved and a need to love.

As a child I was always very interested in how things worked, I pulled objects apart with a desire to figure out, dissect and understand the inner most workings of most devices. Much to my father’s dismay I would take apart devices such as radios, remote control cars and other bits and bobs around the house. All with the desire to understand how things worked.

As I grew up, I have had relationships, connections and situations, where I am starting to realise, where I transferred this desire, for understanding. I have a desire to understand how people work, what makes them tick. I often forget that people are not machines, and that taking them apart emotionally and mentally just doesn’t work for them and it isn’t a nice feeling.

The relevance of all this is connected to my previous post about procrastination, I am currently on a journey to try to understand why I seem to sit and stare and daydream, why I don’t seem to be able to connect and get things done.

In my previous post, I discovered that from research, chronic procrastination is often brought by some form of depression. I got to thinking, am I depressed? Can I put down all these feelings of lack, loss, confusion, down to depression?

My brother is bi-polar, so severe depression is very close in my family.

The more I think about it, I begin to realise that it could all be connected back to what I need most in my life, something that has been reflected deeply in all my relationships, an almost desperate need to be needed.

I have felt lost and pointless with my career for a very long time, and they only reason I have continued with it is because I am good at it, and it is all I know how to do.

But by its nature, it has no point. Sitting in front of a computer day in and day out, pushing pixels around a screen, is a total waste of a life. I am not changing lives, helping others, making the world a better place. All I am doing is putting money in my account and living, for the sake of living.

My career and job, lacks that VITAL ingredient that I have today realised would bring about my potential and my happiness, THE NEED TO FEEL NEEDED.

I know many of you out there are in this situation, and I realise that it all stems from childhood. We all served certain roles as children and we all learnt certain behaviour that we then project in to our adult lives.

My feelings of being emotionally paralysed are caused my potential depression, but my depression is cause by my lack of purpose. It is a vicious circle that I have been stuck in for years.

I have often said, "how good would it be, to go to work one day and do something totally different, something with real meaning and purpose"

Why I have never acted on this, I do not know.

I always have some excuse; I'm in debt, I can’t change my job, I don’t have time to take on a new career, I can’t do it, etc

This is where these addictions come in, Facebook, GDar, Chat, MSN, it’s a substitute for the human interaction that I AM DESPERATLY craving.

My life needs purpose; I believe I was made for big things.

I was just chatting with my mom (love you mom!!!!!) on the phone about me and why I feel so much for people and things, and it’s my hyper-sensitive being, I feel 100 times more than most people.

As a child I would cry a lot and get upset a lot, I was never very strong.

A penny dropped that maybe with all the people out there that DO NOT know HOW to FEEL, I could potentially help others.

When I have been talking with friends, through their problems, mostly emotional, every single one has always said that I have helped them achieve clarity and I have a gift.

I know that I could become a great healer, mind body and spirit, that is a goal I would like to establish.

Today a door has opened, in a dark recess of my mind a light has switched on, I have realised something about myself, something I have been ignoring for so long.

All I need now is the courage and the strength to stand up and get what I want.

May God and all the Angels, the Universe and everything in it, at this moment, grant me the courage and the strength to reach out and grab it.

Everything happens for reason, everything.

Connected, refresh, rewind, revive, re-establish.

Strife is a natural part of being alive and through my addictions; I could have potentially discovered my freedom and my happiness.

A very good day to you, may you know yourself better with every passing day.

Carl Jung – A life unexamined, is a life wasted.


Dale said...

Hi Robbie, Here I am on a business trip in Calgary Alberta Canada and I was wrting a email to my girlfriend (this is after a failed 20 year marriage)telling her that I need to be needed. Then I decided to research my feeling and came across your blog, wow, I could have written this word for word. If you have any further insights to how we and a lot of other people like us feel please get back to me. Thanks so much for putting your feelings out there for others to see.

Robbie L said...

Hey Buddy, thanks for your kind words.

Yes, indeed, the need to be needed is very strong and it has been the source of a lot of problems in my life I think.

I constantly feel alone at times, becuase I dont feel like anyone really needs me.

The reality of the situation is that I am needed, by my mum, my brother my friends, people who love me.

I think a lot of it has to do with the need to be approved of, you are desperate for someone to validate you and make you feel alive.

The biggest lesson people like you and I have to learn is quite simply to learn to love our selves.

I am guessing if your personality type is anything like mine, you have quite low self esteem, and procrastinate a lot.

I recently found a Japanese form of Buddhism that has made a huge difference to my life. I have been pracitcing for almost 4 months now and its made a huge difference to my emotional well being.

its a very modern form of buddhism and its designed for the modern world.

This video says it really well:

I do hope you are ok, I know relationships can make or break us.

But focus on your self and remember that every thing happens for a reason.

Also that no matter how good or how bad a situation is, everything that is, is exactly as it should be.

Feel free to stay in touch if you like.


Donna said...

Hi Robbie, You sound like a wonderful man who is filled with all kinds of love and wisdom and empathy.Faith in yourself is what brought you i believe to posting this blog and it sounds like your need to feel needed and caring and helpful is already taking place with Dale. Many people including myself can feel this way from time to time. Sometimes others more often than others although. The thought of people aching in their hearts saddens me. But it does bring great joy when i can help someone as well. Too be able to Love others completely entails definitely in loving yourself, this i found out, the hard way although. But i am not quite sure if i will ever love myself completely but I seem to have faith and rely and put myself in God's hands daily and i know he will take care of me. Yes, everything is exactly how it should be but remember to move a foot forward with a smile and who knows what can come out of it. Always leave doors open! This is what helps me overcome situations and make me the successful person that i am. But that need is still there sometimes...............Take Care and keep sharing, the Love from your wisdom is shining through.

I wish you would share more of your wisdom, but i do have an advantage. Because i am one of those people who love you dearly and would absolutely do anything for you. The love you portray for others is sincere, wonderful and extremely loving. I know lots of people who love you and need you including myself. I can not imagine life with out you. Keep your chin up baby and things will be okay. You are the most strongest, wisest,
caring man that i have ever met on this earth and i wish you could see it. You shine more than you think you do. Take some weight off yourself and i have faith that things will go just the way you want them to go. Take a new step everyday with a smile and things will go great. You know i am there for you if you need me.

Robbie L said...


Thank you for your beautiful words! I feel so touched that I have been able to share with people so far away!

How did you find my post?

I am puzzled!

Dale sounds like a wonderful man, and you sound like a wonderful woman.

Do cherish your friendship, it is every lasting.

Love and light to you both.
Robbie x

Donna said...

Hi Robbie, I am not sure if Dale realized it but when he was sharing with me your wonderful words of wisdom he emailed your blog. It was wonderful to share.

I really don't mean to interfere in the least, but you guys sound like such wonderful men. I know Dale and he is absolutely tremendous. The love he gives off is amazing but he is so hard on himself, it hurts me unbelievably to watch him hurt. Believe me i really don't mean to be dumping my soul on me and that is not the meaning of this blog. Everything that you both feel is definitely me, but i guess being me i try to surround myself with loved ones all the time. Somehow it fills the void. Sometimes though this is not enough and that scares me. But i feel the need to keep busy. Story of my life..... Thank you for your kind words , you don't know what it means to me. Thank you for taking the time to listen.
Dale,has been really busy and i know will love to join this blog when he winds down and is able to give us his thoughts and feelings. He as well is working like crazy, out of town and alone. I wish i could just take him away and take of him but this is not what he wants and needs and i know that. His pain is tremendous as well as yours and mine. Support is hard to find. Thank you for letting me share my feelings with you.


Robbie L said...

Hey Donna,

It is my absolute pleasure.

Take care of your self.

Robbie x

Wendy Juniper said...

Hi Bobby,

Thanks for the comment on my blog.

I read this post and like the other commenters, it resonated strongly with me. The need to be needed.

This is a basic human feeling though- everyone wants a purpose and to feel that someone cares about them. I totally get it.

Also when you say you think you feel 100 times more than other-s I feel like that too. SOmetimes I walk donw a street and see the attitude on people's faces, the way they portray themselves as unfeeling and hard, and it really upsets me. Why can't people be nicer to each other? Help each other? Instead of pushing and shoving and shafting each other.

I do have a certain amount of confidence and I have come to feel that from within and strongly believe in myself but i feel I am lacking that person who understands me. Well man who understands, I have a lot of girlfriends I feel strongly bonded to. I've never met a man who I felt, understood me, and that makes me sad.

I know what you mean about the desire to pick people apart and understand them. I have an obsessive nature about this, I think and think and think about things and research them until I fully understand. I don;t get when people stick their head's in the sand and pretend something's not happening. I think it's better to confront the problem. I yearn for someone else like this.

Maybe it's arty people that lean towards this nature. It sounds like you do a creative job? I do too. I used to feel there was no point to it either, but I've come to accept it is where my skills lie and i'm good at it and if someone likes my work, it' brightens their day. It's not life saving, but it's a contribution.

I'd like to get involved with something else that could help people in an emotional way, I think my skills lie in listening to peopl and talking them through things, so I feel counselling might be something I could do with the proper training. I think good mental health is so under rated and has so many taboos and stigma surrounding it and yet it's so, so important. Just as importand as physical health I think.

You sound like a very interesting, thoughtful and caring man, nice to have made your aquaintance, I'll add your blog to my list to read:)

To answer your question, yes I am anonymous:)

Best to you x

Bobby L said...

Hi Wendy, you are a designer? What kind? I am too...

Bobby x