Monday, 18 February 2008

Admitting is the first step to solving your addiction.

Hello World.

Tonight is the first night, I sat down and realized that I have a problem.

Since I began using the internet way back in 1997 I have chatted on line, it all began with IRC, for all your young folk, IRC is a short name for Internet relay chat, its what people used to use to chat with, thousands of chat rooms, about every type of thing. Think of a person, a fetish, an idea and you will find a chat room on IRC on some IRC server somewhere.

I have wasted countless hours chatting to random people about meaningless crap, and today i realized that it has to stop.

I want to have a happy, fruitful and full life, but I spend way too much time chatting and trying to connect with people, that don't honestly give a damn. It is an addiction and I think I can finally say that I am hooked and I have been hooked for a long time.

You ask, whats so bad about it, if its not actually hurting me? Well I will tell you whats wrong with it... it is like a silent thief, whats it stealing? I hear you say; well i would say one of the most important things and most priceless things we could ever own in our lives...

Time...

Hours and hours and hours of my life have been lost, doing piss all sitting chatting, and connecting with people, and things that do not count.

Us watching them, watching them watching us? Why what for?

It all feeds some deep and hidden human desire, the fear of being alone..

But tonight I realized that it has to stop, its holding me back.

With the recent onset of Facebook in to my life, it has taken an even bigger chunk of my personal and free time, I check it on my phone, I check it at work, I check it at home, I check it when I get up in the morning and before I go to sleep at night...

Checking, looking, watching, hopeing waiting, wondering, checking, updating, updating, adding, watching, looking... and what for? Why?

So I can feel connected to my friends and family? Its all a lie, you want to know how I really feel? I couldn't feel more disconnected from people.

It is so impersonal, all people do, is just message you, and arrange things over Facebook, noone can be bothered to pick up the phone.

MSN messenger is the same, I have countless "friends" on msn messenger that are always online, we chat, and talk about meaningless bollox for hours and hours, when I should be working studying, learning, talking to friends, drawing, running, and all the other stuff I should be doing in my life.

These technologies only create an excuse for people not to interact in real life, they take the human out of human contact, and Ive had enough.

So today is Monday 18th of February 2008 and I am going to cut it all out, first for a week and then see how I feel, see what happens if I can survive with out it.

Its become so in-grained in my life, its going to be worse then when I managed to give up smoking, which I did COLD TURKEY after a 20 a day habit.

So if your interested and you have got this far, come with me on this little journey I am going to take you on.

The thing is, my job is Internet based, I work on the web, I work as a digital designer for a London media agency, so it will be hard, but I am going to do it, I think my life will be a lot better off. Actually writing about it here, is a very cathartic experience, I hope that I can offer some advice and solace for any other poor soul that feels like I do, about this disease.

A very digital addiction.

10 comments:

GuneQw said...

Great post!
Oh, the good old IRC days.. I'm a recovered addict. :)
have you considered 8hands as a facebook checker?
maybe its live notifications can save you some time.

Nicholas said...

Bro. This is interesting stuff, and I know what you mean.

Its never too late my friend. I have had the same feelings especially after breaking up with my girlfriend of 4.5 years... moving to a different country, watching my old circle of friends interact without me, how quickly i disappeared, hopeing I will be connected through a computer.

Its all an illusion. NOTHING WILL EVER SUBSTITUTE HUMAN INTERACTION. Its time for you to sieze these feelings and get out there and make an impact on yourself and others in face to face human interactions. Do not be fooled, although impersonal commuication is triumphing over all at the moment, it is just a phase there is never going to be a substitute for human warmth. Good luck to you. I am dealing with the same thing, once you get out there a few times, go out, talk to people, have a few amazing nights, you will feel the warmth and love that only human beings can give eachother through direct mediums and contact.

Good luck bro what you're saying is spot on and never forget it

Nick B

Robbie WL said...

Thank you for your comments of support, it's nice to know I'm not the only one out there that feels this way.

Ling said...

Hi Robbie!
I'm chained to my desk too ~ you know it's good to take your hands off the tablet and go back to the drawing board - nothing beats the feel of ink on paper.

I've turned to sewing and knitting to keep myself from the PC. Am tuning in to your blog. Power to ya...

Robbie WL said...

Thanks Ling! Yes I am so desperate to learn to draw, things better, I need to practice but I am always hooked.

However its been 4 days now and I dont think I will get back on to it to be honest, its a total waste.

thanks for the encouragement! :)

Ekke said...

WOW! Mr, I have to admit! I have been the same...only with the dating sites and stuff. It really is as you put it!

David said...

No, Bobby...sadly enough I am definitely not off of Facebook yet. I actually think I might even use it more. Just like you, I am also chained to my desk at work in front of a computer and I just can't seem to keep myself off of the site.

Oh well, I guess it could be worse. It definitely keeps me from looking at other material on my work computer that will get me in much more trouble than Facebook!

Roo said...

Great post!I quit cold turkey this evening.It was getting too crazy for me.The whole friend business just became a numbers came & I was friends with people who didn't even speak English.Today after talking with a friend about Facebook, I realized that it is so impersonal and such a huge waste of time. I was becoming compulsive and obsessive about it and really a slave to it, for what and why God only knows. There was nothing partically exciting happening. It was all mindless chatter and an illusion of human contact. Now, I hope to stay off it for good and do things that will bring me and others joy in the real world. Thanks again for your post and I hope you are free of your addiction.

Roo said...

Great post!I quit cold turkey this evening.It was getting too crazy for me.The whole friend business just became a numbers game & I was friends with people who didn't even speak English.Today after talking with a friend about Facebook, I realized that it is so impersonal and such a huge waste of time. I was becoming compulsive and obsessive about it and really a slave to it, for what and why God only knows. There was nothing partically exciting happening. It was all mindless chatter and an illusion of human contact. Now, I hope to stay off it for good and do things that will bring me and others joy in the real world. Thanks again for your post and I hope you are free of your addiction.

Anonymous said...

I quit Facebook a few days ago and I felt so free the minute I acted on my plan. I don't miss it at all!!! First I deleted everything to remove reasons for going back. Second, I copied down everyone's email address. After I quit, I sent this email to all my "friends" from Facebook and gave them my email address. This is what I said. Maybe someone else will also benefit.

"I wanted you to know that I've deactivated my Facebook account. I need to devote my time to reaching some personal goals I've set for myself and I've found that Facebook has become an addiction for me. When I first started using Facebook it was a simple desire to keep in touch with family and freinds. Now, however, I've noticed I spend way too much time on it, especially with Farmville. I have enough issues just being a computer addict in general that I need to pull myself away from Facebook. Some people won't even notice I'm gone but I know all of you will so that's why I'm writing. I know it will be a bit of a pain to use the "old fashioned" email method instead of Facebook but please keep in touch with me and send me a note once in a while. I would love it if you would share your photo albums from Facebook -- just copy and paste the link to that album into an email and I'll be able to open the link and see them. Thanks for understanding."