The day I commited suicide

It is Saturday 22nd of March 2008. The day I died. Yes ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this is the day I committed Facebook Suicide.

It took all of 20 seconds, I hit the account button and then hit on de-activate account and then sent the email asking for all my content to be removed.

I lay on the floor gasping my last breath as the mini-feed gently drip, drip, drip, dripped in the background then it was gone, a distant echo and a defining silence, I began to wonder what I would do, my heart raced and my brow wrinkled.

Am I free, is it that easy? If only i could get rid of msn messenger, email, cell phones, computers, and run away to a distant land where I can be at one with nature, the earth and other human beings.

Change needs to happen, London life has trapped me, I feel I can not breath any more.

My job has become a waste and a disappointment, but I feel a fire inside me a designer, ready to become a graphic designer of extraordinary proportions, I know I have the power with in me, I just wish I could let it out.

If you have a cure for procrastination, please let me know, I think it would save my life.

Today things have been turned upside down, something has shifted and I found something else to think about... how it happened I do not know, all I know is that it shifted.

I stop, listen for the drip, drip, drip, it's gone, it is silent.

I am alone.

Not going that well

Hello World.

A week has gone by and I have found my self back on Facebook . Things seem to have continued in the same vain as before, I have found my self compulsively checking it every so often, at work.

I have found if I have a reason I check it even more, a met someone at the movies the other night who I quite liked and I kept checking my Facebook , checking for a reply for their message, it wasnt good as I kept thinking about it.

The drip, drip, drip of the mini-feed kept calling me, the subtle call and lure of the digital slot machine.

I wonder if it was such a good idea to go back on to the system? Maybe I am just one of those people where my only healing from an addiction is to cut it out completely?

All or nothing?

What are your thoughts on this? Write to me and tell me about your experiences. How do you manage to limit your msn messenger time, Facebook and other dating and chat sites? Do you feel like these sites take over your free time?

I do think sometimes its nice to sit and chat to people, but wasting time is a different story, when you have a list a mile long of other important things to do, like drawing, washing, tidying up!

I do think I will continue to try wean my self off this, but during my week off from Facebook , I felt I was disconnected and isolated, there was definitely an overwhelming sense of being with-out something.

I do believe it is connected to my need to feel connected to other people, something I am planning on tackeling in the next few months, with maybe some kind of therapy or assistance from a skilled professional.

I want to be able to live my life and not rely on digital technology to feel close to people.