Showing posts with label chatting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label chatting. Show all posts

Wednesday, 20 February 2008

The End of Day 2


Welcome. It is the end of day 2 and I have successfully stayed away from Facebook, msn.
I have however partaken in a bit of internet dating, but I think thats going to have to come under the same banner of banned sites. I wasted at least 2 hours tonight surfing, when I could have been drawing!

I have always been passionate about drawing, but never really given my self the time, primarily because ive been so busy distracting my self with crap.

Tomorrow is a new day, I hope to keep away and not faulter.
I did however today, feel the pull of the drip, drip, drip and the distant call of the mini-feed on facebook, as every one at work uses it.

Stay tuned in to see how I get on.

Tuesday, 19 February 2008

The End of Day 1

Well its fast approaching the end of day 1, of my little experiment. Work was surprisingly easy and I managed to stay away from Facebook, msn, skype or any form of time wasting site or service.

I realized that if I could keep this up for long enough I may actually get a lot of shit done.

Self control never came easily to me as a child, teenager or an adult, though how I managed to kick a 20 a day smoking habit, I don't know.

I realised today that I DONT NEED facebook, my life functioned just fine with out it before, infact I used to have loads more fun and get up to all sorts of stuff before.

As the years have gone on, I have relied more and more on msn messenger, myspace, gdar, and other internet chat sites ans services to feed my desire for human interaction.

It has to be said that nothing beats good old fashioned face to face connections.

I also got to think about the things I do'nt do any more; ask you self these simple questions;

1. When was the last time you just sat and read at home, and by read, I mean a real book and not a glossy mag, the news paper or some article on the internet, a real book with real pages, something to exercise that brain, get it to churn and listen and learn, I mean kicked back, turn the TV and computer off and sat back and relaxed and read..? maybe never?

2. When did you last sit back and just listen to music, just lie down and look at the cieling and think about your life, your hopes and dreams, make plans and sing.

3. When did you just pick up the phone and call you friends and arrange something over the phone, instead of sending a text message, an email, or a facebook meeting request.

4. When did you last just go for a walk, just to go for a walk and clear your mind.

All these things you may do or may not do, but I feel that because of my constant "ON STATE" my constant connection to this here system that I am connecting to, you through, I have become a drone.

I sat at my computer the other night, trying to work, trying to get on with some personal project and I just couldn't, it was like there was some kind of dull fuzz, an interference, if you will, that was blocking me. I think I understand what it is now.

It is the constant drip drip drip, of the facebook mini-feed, of the new emails, the new posts on myspace, the drip drip of messages from the meaningless "friends" on msn messenger, that pose as a constant and continuous distraction from every day life, and its array of necessary tasks.

This interference pattern may not occur in all of us, but I do believe that a vast majority of us are very prone to these addictive patterns. It is definitely why gambling, drug addiction, debt and all the other social diseases, we have today have become so rampant in our society.

People are over whelmed with stimuli that it creates this interference pattern in the brain.

I don't know if I will go back to facebook , how I feel after today, I am not sure I will ever use it again, I feel like someone told me a terrible secret and it struck fear in me so deep that I woke up as if from a terrible nightmare, with a huge intake of breath and a cold sweat on my brow.

Only time will tell, but for the moment, it is only day 1 and I do not want to get ahead of my self.

Drip, Drip, Drip I can hear the call of a distant RSS feed, and mini-feed, a message board, the drip, drip, drip of information, slowing calling, longing for my minds connection.

Connect with the drip, drip, drip and soon you will see how the hands on your watch begin to speed up, and faster and faster before the night is gone.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, as each week flies by, day after day rolling over and over, as the sands of your own personal sand timer begin to speed up, ask your self? Does this connection serve me? Does it add to my life? Or is it sapping my life?

Think, read, write and create, the only forces against the interference, the only way to block it out and stop the consumption and dull muffled overwhelming battle from with-in.

Monday, 18 February 2008

Admitting is the first step to solving your addiction.

Hello World.

Tonight is the first night, I sat down and realized that I have a problem.

Since I began using the internet way back in 1997 I have chatted on line, it all began with IRC, for all your young folk, IRC is a short name for Internet relay chat, its what people used to use to chat with, thousands of chat rooms, about every type of thing. Think of a person, a fetish, an idea and you will find a chat room on IRC on some IRC server somewhere.

I have wasted countless hours chatting to random people about meaningless crap, and today i realized that it has to stop.

I want to have a happy, fruitful and full life, but I spend way too much time chatting and trying to connect with people, that don't honestly give a damn. It is an addiction and I think I can finally say that I am hooked and I have been hooked for a long time.

You ask, whats so bad about it, if its not actually hurting me? Well I will tell you whats wrong with it... it is like a silent thief, whats it stealing? I hear you say; well i would say one of the most important things and most priceless things we could ever own in our lives...

Time...

Hours and hours and hours of my life have been lost, doing piss all sitting chatting, and connecting with people, and things that do not count.

Us watching them, watching them watching us? Why what for?

It all feeds some deep and hidden human desire, the fear of being alone..

But tonight I realized that it has to stop, its holding me back.

With the recent onset of Facebook in to my life, it has taken an even bigger chunk of my personal and free time, I check it on my phone, I check it at work, I check it at home, I check it when I get up in the morning and before I go to sleep at night...

Checking, looking, watching, hopeing waiting, wondering, checking, updating, updating, adding, watching, looking... and what for? Why?

So I can feel connected to my friends and family? Its all a lie, you want to know how I really feel? I couldn't feel more disconnected from people.

It is so impersonal, all people do, is just message you, and arrange things over Facebook, noone can be bothered to pick up the phone.

MSN messenger is the same, I have countless "friends" on msn messenger that are always online, we chat, and talk about meaningless bollox for hours and hours, when I should be working studying, learning, talking to friends, drawing, running, and all the other stuff I should be doing in my life.

These technologies only create an excuse for people not to interact in real life, they take the human out of human contact, and Ive had enough.

So today is Monday 18th of February 2008 and I am going to cut it all out, first for a week and then see how I feel, see what happens if I can survive with out it.

Its become so in-grained in my life, its going to be worse then when I managed to give up smoking, which I did COLD TURKEY after a 20 a day habit.

So if your interested and you have got this far, come with me on this little journey I am going to take you on.

The thing is, my job is Internet based, I work on the web, I work as a digital designer for a London media agency, so it will be hard, but I am going to do it, I think my life will be a lot better off. Actually writing about it here, is a very cathartic experience, I hope that I can offer some advice and solace for any other poor soul that feels like I do, about this disease.

A very digital addiction.